Learnings from "Becoming" Michelle Obama Netflix documentary

I watched the documentary on Netflix about Michelle Obama’s book tour. I have not read “Becoming” yet, but I am currently reading “How to own the room” by Viv Groskop and Michelle Obama is one of the role models in this book. For sure, she has a unique way of owning a room, and needless to say that whatever she does or says is deeply inspiring. This documentary is no exception.

These ninety minutes are fueled with her incredible energy, from the very first minutes when she turns on the music in the car because “Sometimes you need a little bounce before you do something”.

This film is a mine of key take-aways that I wanted to share with you, a journey of honesty, empowerment and faith.

1. EMPOWER YOURSELF

Michelle Obama is going through a transformation process with the release of her book and the tour. She has gone through many major transformations up till this point in her life and she shares her learnings on how to own the path you are on and shape it.

Creating your next track

Leaving her functions as First Lady, Michelle had to create her next track, just like everyone of us is doing several times in our lives, just like the high school students she talks to at this point in the film. The questions we have to ask ourselves are simple: What do I wanna do? What do I care about?

Don’t listen to the people who say you don’t belong

Her high school advisor told her “I don’t think you are Princeton material”. Guess what: “Well, she was wrong!” In essence, Michelle is telling that you should not be bothered by what people think because they don’t know better than you do. What I loved is that she does recognize how it hurts, how it marks you forever, when you hear people trying to crash your dreams. “It was a punch” admits Michelle about what her school advisor said to her. “I still feel a little salty about it” she confesses. By being so open, Michelle gives us all the right to feel anger and pain, and this is really liberating. But this should not stop us from moving forward, having goals as big as we want and pursuing our dreams.

Feeling visible

For all of us who do not quite fit in the mold, whether the reason is our gender, the color of our skin, our place of birth, our sexual orientation, our social class, Michelle delivers a very powerful message:

“We can’t afford to wait for the world to be equal to start feeling seen. Time will not allow it. So you have to find the tools within yourself to feel visible, and to be heard and to use your voice.”

Talk about empowerment!

Perspective and focus

Michelle reminds us to keep perspective. Whatever we are living though right now, it is just a point in time. “(Do) not let this time shape what will be.”

She reminds us to remember to be where we are, to focus on doing our thing. To illustrate what she says, she takes the example of what her husband and her went through during the presidency when the wind was blowing against them: “All we could do was wake up every morning and do our jobs, and let our jobs and our lives speak for itself.” A lesson we can all apply to ourselves.

2. YOUR STORY IS YOUR POWER

During the documentary, the topic of “owning your story” is always present. This point struck me as particularly important because it is the key to the way we think of ourselves and the way we put ourselves out there. It is the key to defining our personal pitch in every social situation. It is incredibly simple but not easy to implement, because we often do not see the value of our story. We find it unimpressive and common. We are no stars after all, what makes us special? In the documentary, Michelle shares some very simple but powerful words and tips to move into this direction and own our story.

Why me?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? This is also what some of the high school girls invited to meet Michelle Obama wonder. This is where Michelle sheds a new light on their simple story:

“That story, with all the highs and lows, and what seems ordinary to you, is your power.”

Recognizing this power, the value of our story, is key.

More than a number

The way you look at your story is also the way you look at yourself. If you want people to see you in a certain way, you first have to see yourself in this way. It all starts within yourself:

“What makes you more than a stat is once you see yourself as more than a stat, and you start thinking about: who are you? What do you care about? What brings you joy?”

Dare to be vulnerable

Owning our story reaches much farther. Owning our story does not only have to power to shape our lives, it has the power to change the world around us:

“If we can open up a little bit more to each other and share our stories, that’s what breaks down barriers. But in order to do that you have to believe that your story has value. Be vulnerable. Dare to be vulnerable.”

Being vulnerable is not a weakness. It is a strength. It requires courage. So let’s be courageous.

3. OF BEING A WOMAN

Being in woman is a life journey in itself. Michelle shares quite a lot about her life as a woman.

Marriage

I feel the documentary does not do a good job tracing her career moves. We understand law was not her passion but her career in the public sector is absent from the conversation. If you don’t know it, it is unclear what she means when she says: “If I was gonna have an equal voice with this very opinionated man, I had to get myself up. I had to set myself off to a place where I was confident I was going to be his equal”. Michelle Obama had a brilliant career in the public sector and even made more money than her husband in 2006 before the presidential campaign started nd Barack Obama was at the senate.

What I liked very much was when she talks about the challenges of marriage, of being a couple and parents and individuals all at the same time. She shares important learning we should all be aware of in our relationships:

“My happiness is not dependent on him making me happy” and “Let me stop being mad at him for going to the gym and let me get to the gym”.

Again, words of empowerment.

Stereotypes and critics

How Michelle Obama was targeted in the media during the campaign and after is particularly violent. “Angry woman”, “not warm and fuzzy” are words that were thrown at her. All words that are very stereotypical and unfair to women.

Michelle does not downplay the impact those words and attacks had on her. She is the vulnerable Michelle who courageously admits: “It hurts”. Just like she admitted being hurt and deeply impacted by the opinion of the school advisor, she also says honestly what the critics did to her, deep inside: “that changes the shape of a person’s soul.”

Trying to be perfect is also a burden that plagues women in particular. At the very beginning, Michelle Obama says she sobbed after leaving the White House and analyzes it as “The release of eight years trying to do everything perfectly”. What I particularly liked, is that she does not say something so plain as you don’t need to be perfect, because she knows very well that, in some instances, you do need to be perfect, to thrive to be perfect. This is what she had to do being the First Lady eight years long. What is inferred from her example is that thriving to be perfect all the time is damn hard, and it is okay to let go and cry sometimes. And this is quite liberating to hear.

Fashion

Michelle Obama will certainly remain one of the best dressed First Lady next to Jacky Kennedy. But fashion is not just fashion. It has to do with the image you project. And Michelle phrases her intentions very clearly: “I had to be more strategic in how I presented myself”. And she says why: “Fashion for a woman still predominates how people view you, and that’s not fair, and that’s not right, but it is true.” But because this is a fact does not mean you cannot turn the table and find empowerment in fashion:

“It’s how you turn it into your tool rather than being a victim of it”, she says.

Her fashion consultant, Meredith Koop, understood and supported her in this mission: “Let’s move to conversation to what she is doing versus some fashion detail.”

Rounding it up to 60

Michelle is turning sixty on her book tour. She is so fabulous, I just can’t wait to be sixty myself! By simply being herself, being out there, she sends a very empowering message to all women: you are beautiful regardless of your age, and you have a lot to expect from life at every stage of your life. When in doubt, remember Michelle’s words:

“There is another chapter waiting for me out there”.

“I want to be the 90-year-old woman that you just excuse”. And we all want to be that woman too some day!

4. THE WORLD WE LIVE IN

The documentary is of course not just about Michelle as a owner of her destiny, as a mentor and as a woman. It is also about her vision of the world, the world we all live in.

People

I found very inspiring the way she interacts with people, the way she is in the moment, with the people, focused in the present. In a world where the competition for our attention is so high, receiving an undivided attention from a person is an invaluable gift. I will keep those commandments in my head every time I meet with someone, at work or outside, because it gives real value to our social interactions and it matters more than ever:

“Take every person as they come up”. “Look then in the eye. Take in the story.”

“This is how I relate to people and it helps me stay connected.”

Racism and divisions

If the Obamas in the White House was a dream come true for many, a historical step forward, “others reacted with fear” remembers Michelle. Again, it is the honesty, the courage in looking at things the way they are, with both sense and sensibility, that I find remarkable.

Another remarkable thing is her empathy, her ability to put herself in the shoes of others, even total opposites. This reveals her very high social competence, something we can all learn from. Because seeing a situation from the other’s perspective is the key to understanding and breaking down walls, whatever the context may be.

“When you see people gunned down because somebody was so afraid of a kid in a hoodie that that ended his life, so how were these people dealing with the fact that a black family was in what they perceived as their White House?”

But putting yourself in the shoes of the other is not enough and Michelle knows it. That is why she reminds us that it is also necessary to look yourself in the eyes:

“If we’re going to get anywhere with each other, we have to be willing to say who we are”.

And this means not only who we are today, but where we are coming from, as an individual, as a nation, as a society, as a culture, as an entire world.

Hope

As a conclusion, Michelle Obama delivers a message of hope. Not surprising, but not less compelling. More than a message of hope, it is a message of faith:

“The energy that is out there is much better than what we see”. “People are good. People are decent.”

This is what makes great leaders: their unshaken belief in humanity, in the good. That is what gives them the energy to keep fighting for a greater good despite the oppositions, the backlashes, the disappointments, beyond themselves. This is why we admire the Obamas so much. This is why we all should embrace this message of hope, and faith, and live by it, every day, at our little scale, because each and every one of us matters, because our stories matter, because we are all part of the change, because the way we shape our story is the way we shape history.